


you don't have to be a ghost (here among the living)

by CommanderMollyOBrien



Series: i'm ready to suffer (i'm ready to hope) [1]
Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: E&E are the equivalent of 20ish and they're eldritch and They Will Not Lose Any More Family, Gen, Kidnap Dads, Maedhros Lives AU, Maedhros lives, Maglor Lives, TW: suicidal thoughts, canon non-compliant, tw: depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:40:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28486977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CommanderMollyOBrien/pseuds/CommanderMollyOBrien
Summary: In which Maedhros and Maglor Feanorion live.Title from Third Eye by Florence + the Machine.
Relationships: Elrond Peredhel & Maedhros | Maitimo, Elros Tar-Minyatur & Maglor | Makalaurë
Series: i'm ready to suffer (i'm ready to hope) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2086692
Comments: 8
Kudos: 63





	1. Chapter 1

Maedhros stared into the volcano, clutching the Silmaril. He couldn't remember how long he'd been there, feeling his hand burning and not caring about the pain enough to drop the jewel. 

He finally let the shining gemstone fall into the molten rock and vanish, consumed by the earth. 

_I'm a coward,_ he thought, _I shouldn't be afraid to face judgement. All I've done is hurt people, and I'll just keep hurting people if I live._

"Atya? Atya!"

He whirled around. 

Elrond was standing there, covered in ash and looking horrified. 

"Atya, your hand!" Elrond took his burned hand carefully, "You have to let me start healing this now."

Maedhros pulled his hand away, "Just go, Elrond."

Elrond's voice shook with terror for his father, "I am not leaving you here!"

Maedhros began, "This is fair, Elrond. My father's work has judged me as terrible as Moringotho. I-"

"Don't tell me this is fair!" Elrond started to weep, "Don't act like you shouldn't get to heal."

"What I've done, to your family, to your people, to you, is unforgivable," Maedhros's voice was completely empty, and that scared Elrond more than any amount of sorrow or regret.

Elrond wiped at his tears, "You don't get to tell me what I can't forgive, Atya. I love you and I forgave you years ago."

"You shouldn't call me that," Maedhros said, "I'm not your father. I'm just a broken Kinslayer that stole you from a city that I burned."

"I barely remember my mother and I don't even remember Earendil at all," Elrond was crying again, "You and Atar raised me. You taught me to fight and to write in Quenya and to lead a city. You are my father, and you are a damn good father, despite the fact that you've convinced yourself again that you've never done anything good in your life." 

"I don't deserve to be your father," Maedhros turned to stare back into the lava, "I don't even deserve to be alive."

"Of course you deserve to live," Elrond's voice was very gentle, "Look at me, Atya. Trust me. You aren't thinking clearly. You deserve to survive and I deserve to have a father. Now, either you can leave this damned volcano with me, or I will Sing you asleep and drag you out." 

"I know you want me to be the father you deserve, but I'm not," Maedhros said, "If I live, I'll only keep hurting innocent people."

"I know you, Atya. You don't want to do that. You did all those horrible things because of the Oath, and it's gone now," Elrond told him, "Trust me. Let me help."

"Alright," Maedhros said, "I'll come with you. For you and your brother." 


	2. Chapter 2

Maglor watched the Silmaril sink beneath the waves, its light becoming dimmer and dimmer until it vanished. 

He began to Sing, summoning visions of the destruction and sorrow and death that he had caused in the lands falling beneath the sea. 

Maglor saw, without really seeing it, a hawk flying through the air towards him. 

The bird landed on the ground, and then _changed,_ until it was Elros standing in front of him.

"Atar," Elros looked at him with intense, sorrowful eyes, "come home with me."

"I cannot," Maglor moved to face him, revealing his Silmaril-burned hand.

"The First Age is over, Atar. Moringotho is gone and Beleriand is disappearing," Elros looked terribly, painfully hopeful, "We can build new realms, new lives for ourselves."

"I don't deserve that. I never have," Maglor turned, staring into the waves and wondering how long it would take to drown, "Leave me. Go find your brother. Go find a new life in Middle Earth."

"When I last saw him, Elrond was flying inland to find Atya, where he is no doubt having the same damn conversation," Elros responded, "I am not leaving you hear to spend the next decade staring at the ocean and torturing yourself over your mistakes. You aren't going to get better like this."

"You shouldn't be trying to help me. The Silmaril burned me, Elros," Maglor continued to watch the waves without seeing them, "I am a monster as abhorrred as Moringotho."

"Look, I don't care what that thrice-cursed gem thinks. It's a _rock._ It does not get to change the fact that you are my father and I love you," Elros responded, "I can make my own judgements, and I choose to forgive you." 

Maglor shook his head, "I don't deserve forgiveness."

"If anyone has the right to hate you, I do. But I don't hate you," Elros continued, "I forgive you, and I have the right to do that if anyone does."

"The only way I'll stop being this monster is if I repent," Maglor said, "I need to do this alone."

"Wandering around hating yourself isn't going to fix what you've done," Elros replied, "You and Atya were trying to make up for your mistakes when you raised us, when you keep fighting against the Enemy even when it seemed hopeless, when you took in former thralls. Now you're just lost in despair, and you have to get out of the place your mind is in now if you want to start repairing your mistakes again."

Maglor turned to face his son, "I can't forgive myself. I don't even know how."

"Just trust me," Elros told him, "Come home with me."

After a long pause, Maglor said, "Alright. I'll go home with you."

**Author's Note:**

> I love and appreciate comments and kudos.


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